DK Blog

I hate arguing. I hate conflict. I hate emotional upset. I hate it when my partner is upset. I hate all the bad feelings that come up for me when arguing. I hate saying things I later regret. I hate hearing hurtful things my partner says. I hate using the word "hate" so much. Yes, I am conflict avoidant . Many people are, but not everyone. Some people actually like fighting. If you like fighting, you might want to stop reading, unless you want to peer into the experience of people who have a tough time in high conflict situations. The pre-eminent researchers on couples, John and Julie Gottman, say that how often one argues is not a determinant in the success of a marriage, but rather, it is how one argues. Respect is the defining variable. As long as couples respect each other, arguing in and of itself is not a threat to the relationship. If you are afraid of conflict and strong negative emotions, here are seven reasons why it is important to be able to successfully...